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Must be gearing up for some kind of melt-down - I can't make myself heard no matter how hard I scream

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December 29th, 2003

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03:53 pm - Must be gearing up for some kind of melt-down
Time for a "real" Michele update.

I have been an unproductive loser for the bulk of my vacation thus far. I have made no attempts to see any of my friends and haven't talked to anyone really. I did get my two wisdom teeth pulled out the day after we went on vacation and for a few days was flying high on a combination of codeine and phenobarbital...it was nice. It won't be nice when I do it again this Friday for my other two teeth, but oh well. So aside from that, I've been working which equals udder boredom. I don't enjoy transcription. I don't like work that doesn't engage me. I just don't like it. I'm starting to wonder if I can manage second semester without money and just stop working now. I went away for Christmas with my oldest and I thought dearest friend Melanie and her family but to my surprise (or was it really?) we did not click like we used to and times were amiss. That made me very sad. Now that I think about it, it makes me feel like I have no connection to anyone really. All it took was going off to separate colleges and bam, we're like two different people. Granted everyone does not have the same experiences when they go away but I thought there was more to us. I've known her from way back when pogs were cool and michael jackson might ben considered black. I feel like I don't have a strong tie to anyone from my past. I didn't grow up in one neighborhood with the same group of kids. It was different through every level of my schooling and for one reason for another I was always eager to move on and meet "better" people, whatever that means. Now I wish I hadn't been so glad to move on. I guess that's why they say family is so important, they always knew you when. I don't have those people. This is starting not to make sense and it isn't the direction I was going for. Blasted brain. I'll give this thing a go later tonight, but should anyone read it...don't bother commenting. I need to revise my thoughts.

hate to say i wish i was back at school. i'm so restless and missing our perverse jokes :-(
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Trying Your Luck-The Strokes

(6 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:December 29th, 2003 06:11 pm (UTC)

long but read it!

Well, I am bothering with commenting. So there! Living in a city... and growing up in a city, does not allow you to really stick with the same people throughout your life. And when I say "city", I mean a real city. There are so many people and everything seems so disconnected... and with the possibilities of all those people, it's easy to just let yourself keep hoping to meet "better" people... instead of dealing with what you've got in the here and now. I understand where you're coming from, or at least I think I do. City kids are not forced to be with the same small group of people throughout their youth, as suburban and small town kids are... we may meet people in grade school... but once high school comes around... people scatter... it's like college... and most small town kids don't experience that split until college... and we experience early on. I don't know how they do things in NYC, but I know that here in Chicago, everyone is not forced to go to one high school. We get choices... and therefore, we get led down different paths than some of our friends... and so there's not a lot of tv picture perfect tight knit dawson's creek/saved by the bell group of friends... it's really just constant movement... constant change... which sometimes sucks... but hey... at least we know what true diversity is. :) Cheer up emo kid.
<3 Judy
Date:December 31st, 2003 11:08 am (UTC)


i think

i love you

keep holding on?

love claudia

[User Picture]
Date:January 1st, 2004 06:05 pm (UTC)

Re: well

you think you love me? ouch...meanie head.
Date:January 3rd, 2004 03:18 pm (UTC)
hey buttmunch. i've missed you oh so dearly. i hope u are well. i'm leaving for pittsburgh on the 11th (i'm actually happy i'm going back to school), so that doesnt give us much opportunity to hang out. still, id like to make the effort to see you. i'm free basically netime before the 9th except the 6th so call me if u'd like to meet up somewhere. miss you lots. we cynics are dying out. we need to reunite.

Date:January 3rd, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC)

Can I join your fan club? lol.. I'm such a dork. Anyways.. I'm sooo glad I checked livejournal cuz I haven't used this thing in DECADES and I'm like who is barelyliterate? aww.. I just signed up for Friendster =) I'll find you on it hopefully... and I'm reading your other blogspot thing... I hope you're doing okay. Your entry wasn't that happy and I can relate to it cuz I pretty much lost contact w/ people too and didn't really connect with people in the first place. I'm finding you on Friendster now so add me! =D
Date:January 4th, 2004 07:06 pm (UTC)


if I had to choose between my sight and my friendship with you, I'd choose you because you help me to see myself and the world in a way that doesn't need eyes.

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